My focus lately has been on a lot of decluttering, getting rid of crap that doesn't work in my life anymore. There's no real zen reason for this that I can apply to my eating or training, at least not one that I've thought of yet.
Although one of my current goals has been lifelong - to stop my very nasty nailbiting habit. I've been biting my nails for as long as I care to remember. And not just dainty nibbling, we're talking chewing to the nubs, ripping up the cuticles, and looking really really awful and gross. NOTHING worked to stop it. I tried getting acrylic nails, gel nails, regular manicures, everything. Finally I decided it was time to change.
- I started to paint this "no-bite" stuff on my nails every other day or so. It's great aversion therapy since it tastes DISGUSTING. Bitter. Since I do a lot of my nail biting out of habit or without even realizing it, this has been really helpful to make me realize exactly what I'm doing. Downside? Aesthetically, I don't like the look of the no-bite stuff. It mattefies whatever nail polish I've got on and gives my nails a nasty weird yellowish tint. Just more incentive to kick the habit.
- I use Nailtiques clear polish once per day (usually at night). It's a great strengthening polish.
- I keep a nail file, cuticle cream and nail clippers with me at all times. I've stashed them everywhere - at my desk at work, in my purse, on my vanity at home. If I see a hangnail or a ragged cuticle, I trim or file it down IMMEDIATELY and slather on hand cream.
- Once I went 2 weeks without biting I treated myself to a manicure.
This program was working really well for about 3 weeks. My nails were finally growing and looking really good. Then one day when I was at my in-laws I just went to TOWN. I don't know what particularly triggered it (although I'm thinking a combination of idle hands/OCD about a ragged nail that I was too lazy to fix properly), but I chewed every last nail down to the quick AGAIN.
The next day I was so bummed out because, basically, I'd ruined 3 weeks of progress and had to start from scratch. And this, my foodie friends, led me to think about other ways I do this in my daily life. I think MANY of my friends can empathize with this whole "I'll be totally perfect and then deviate and then suddenly I'm off the wagon completely and facedown in a pecan pie" -- or something very similar.
I'm still working out exactly what this means. I think there are times in your life (like when you're doing a Whole30 or trying to kick a habit of ANY kind) that you have to be super strict with yourself. And for some of us, there's the realization that there's no such thing as moderation. Alcoholics can't have "just one beer." Heroin addicts can't have "just one hit." When I eat sugar, I IMMEDIATELY start to crave it again. When I start to pick at the cuticle on my index finger, I have to stop myself immediately or I'll ruin the weeks of progress I've made on making my nails look nicer.
Am I advocating a life where you NEVER touch a cookie or a piece of chocolate again? No. But I think, as you make changes, it's CRUCIAL to figure out what sorts of food are the top of that slippery slope. Can I eat one square of dark chocolate and not go back for more? Yep, I definitely can. In fact, I am proud to say that there is a bar of 85% dark chocolate in my fridge right now that has exactly 3 squares eaten out of it. And I'm not sitting here dreaming about it ready to hoover it the second I get home. However, as I found out this weekend, I am not a one-slice-of-cake girl. At my niece's birthday party, I found myself going back for cake again. And again. And again. Ahem.
Moral of the story and my ramble? Think about whether it's really worth it. After the initial mental high of biting my nails, I had nothing to show for it except progress ruined. And gross looking hands. Eating that cake didn't have such an immediate, visible effect, but I'm sure it didn't do anything to progress my training and it certainly didn't do anything to help me achieve my body composition goals.
So. As I make food choices over the next couple of weeks I'm going to use the nail metaphor as a way to evaluate whether I really want to eat the things that are available to me to eat. The cake will always be there. The chocolate will always be there. Take a breath and think about what you're doing.
Today:
Water - on my 2nd nalgene
Lunch - spicy italian sausage, onion, apple, kale, and a pack of Paleostix
Coffee this morning
Supplements: brewer's yeast, resveratrol
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